Update your settings

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~Paul Millsap

The personal growth journey is easy when everything is going to plan. But when you’re presented with a difficult situation, that’s when the real test begins.

In 2018, I embarked on a nomadic journey to do some soul-searching. I faced my fair share of challenges during this trip, but for the most part, life was good.

I led a good life and coached people to do the same. But then I was given a reality check.

Suddenly, I was back in Australia living with my mum. I had no money, no car, no job, and it felt like my life had come crashing down.

This is where the true test began, as I was forced to confront a fear I had dedicated my life to avoiding: the fear of regressing.

After five years on the road, it was great seeing my family and old friends again. But once the initial romanticism of being back home wore off, that joy was short-lived.

That’s when I began reverting into old patterns.

I picked up a job working in a restaurant and felt more out of place than ever. My self-worth took a heavy beating, and all these dense feelings from my childhood began to resurface.

But the icing on the cake was my relationship with my mother. We had some pretty deep issues that were never resolved. Those issues never had to be addressed, but now we could no longer avoid them.

Returning into this situation as a grown man was not ideal for either of us. There was an endless loop of turmoil that neither of us wanted, but neither of us could break.

I felt like I was constantly under attack and that she treated me like a child who had to live under a strict set of rules; otherwise, all hell would break loose.

She felt like her space was being intruded. In her eyes, I didn’t respect how she wanted to live and took advantage of her hospitality.

And around in circles we went, unable to see eye-to-eye, getting triggered by one another over stupid things.

No matter how much wisdom I had gained, nor how much healing I had done, this seemed like an uphill battle that I couldn’t overcome.

After a particularly painful argument, I had a moment of clarity.

I saw myself quitting my job, packing my bags, and catching the next flight out of the country. I saw my mother resenting herself for pushing me away.

For a moment, my ego rejoiced.

“I sure showed her! Now she will finally see the errors of her way and the consequences they have! And I’ll be free, just the way I like.”

But then there was regret.

A higher part of me kicked in.

“This isn’t a solution. You’re just escaping again and hurting everyone in the process, including yourself. Nothing has been healed. This is your chance to repair this relationship. Don’t take the coward’s way out.”

It’s easy to run away. Believe me, I’ve crafted an entire life around it.

But the higher self weeps when the ego succeeds, and I recognized that this was an ego-driven decision: to escape a painful situation rather than heal the root cause.

As if I was catapulted out of my ego, suddenly I felt compassion rather than pain. A part of me that genuinely wanted to heal this wound for both of us shined through.

Because I was now in my heart space, the energy changed. I saw that my mother had given me a place to stay and a bed to sleep in. I was overcome with gratitude and compassion, and I saw the situation for what it is.

When you’re at a crossroads, ask yourself:

What is the path of the egoic self, and what is the path of the higher self?

The path of the higher self is always the route to take, and that’s the one that will provide genuine joy rather than momentary satisfaction.

Imagine your higher self as the best possible version of yourself: the beacon of light that you strive to become.

When I visualize my higher self, I see a healed man who only wants the best for everyone. He is completely in his heart space, and he doesn’t act from a place of ego.

He wouldn’t feel victimized. He wouldn’t argue back, knowing that ill-fitted behavior is a manifestation of a wound. Therefore, he would only demonstrate compassion because he genuinely feels it.

This version of myself knows that there is no better joy than feelings of compassion, gratitude, and love. So he’s the embodiment of these emotions, regardless of what the situation entails.

My higher self sees the situation from the higher perspective and responds to that.

It helps to visualize your higher self when you’re at a crossroads.

Try to understand what they are thinking.

How do they see the situation?

What do they feel?

When you’ve created this vivid image, don’t just model after them. Think like them, see like them, feel like them, embody them. 

If you’re struggling to see your higher self in these situations, try modeling after someone that you highly respect.

When I was living in Ecuador, I worked closely with an Ayahuasca Shaman for half a year and saw this man as a mentor of sorts.

To me, he’s a symbol of wisdom, compassion, and understanding.

During some of my most challenging moments, I would ask myself what he would do. Would he argue back when he feels he is being attacked? Would he drag his feet and play the victim?

Somehow, I couldn’t see it.

I imagine that if he was in my situation, he would milk every moment of being back home. He would work on the wounds with his mother and cherish their time together, knowing that it’s limited.

When you’re not sure what your higher self would do in any given situation, imagine a role model in your situation, and take after them.

Can’t think of someone you would want to model after? What about influential figures? Historic figures? Religious icons?

Visualize this person in your shoes and press play.

Now, do the same thing.

Most of the time, we instinctively know what decision is the right one. But our egos coerce us into taking a course of action that really isn’t in anyone’s best interest.

One thing I’ve learned is that your intuition won’t lead you astray. But first you need to separate intuition from impulse.

Impulse is an emotion-based, momentary decision. Your intuition is a deeper wisdom that shines through when you tap into your higher self.

You know what to do; you just need to trust in it.

Either you don’t want to accept the course of action because it’s difficult, or you haven’t really listened.

Learn to lean on the wisdom of your heart, not your mind.

What makes your heart feel heavy when you think about it? Avoid that course of action.

What makes your heart feel light when you think about it? Follow that course of action.

Always follow what makes your heart feel lighter, because it knows better than your mind.

It was easy to feel like I was doing well when I could avoid my family wounds. I never had to confront those wounds when I was living overseas, so I was under the impression that they were healed.

Sure, things were fine on the surface level, but that doesn’t mean the deeper underlying issues weren’t still there.

Without moving back to Australia and getting into a situation where I had to confront those wounds, I would have never created the incentive to heal them.

Looking back, I’m thankful that the universe gave me this opportunity, because in the five months I’ve been back, a whole lot of progress has been made for a healthier, happier relationship with my mother.

Instead of getting triggered, I’ve learned to look at the wound.

Rather than being caught in my ego, I’ve learned to look at the situation through her perspective.

I am happy to be able to look back at this time in Australia and smile, knowing that I’m now running toward my dreams, and not away from my wounds.

*Image generated by AI

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.